My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
