i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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