It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
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There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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