So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
