My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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