im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
