We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize