I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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