last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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