I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
