Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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