I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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