i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
