I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
