Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
