it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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