I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
