Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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