one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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