I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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