Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
40s are totally the cure
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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