when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
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