No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
and she was petting her beer can
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
