Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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