Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
