i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
