The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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