how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
