Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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