I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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