Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
