Kiss
Puke
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
