I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
