Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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