i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
