I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
