the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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