Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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