my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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