I feel like abortions should bother me more
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
