i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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