I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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