census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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