It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
