quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
