My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
