Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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