i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
