Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
