So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Is Oprah even human
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
