i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
