i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
