Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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