Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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