I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
