I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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