our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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