I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
