On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Pappa wants mamma naked
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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