yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My dick has a subreddit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
