I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
