Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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