This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
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She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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