I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
