babies were throwing up all over the place
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
