I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
