Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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