i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
