I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
