I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
