mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
