Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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