she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
