the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
